![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
Truth be told, Obi-Wan had seriously considered not returning to Fandom island; the risk to Luke was too great if Vader or another Imperial officer came back and chose to follow him to Tatooine this time. But there were certain obligations he felt too guilty about bound to that he could not simply shirk. Speaking to Kanan was one of these. (Picking up the eopies was another.)
He was certain Anakin could handle Ethics fine without him.
He arrived back on the island early into the evening. He found Rooh nibbling at the grass just outside his hut, and for a moment, he had to smile. Then he sighed, and rubbed his brow, and went to speak to the animals. At least they were comforting.
[[ expecting one, but open for SP! ]]
He was certain Anakin could handle Ethics fine without him.
He arrived back on the island early into the evening. He found Rooh nibbling at the grass just outside his hut, and for a moment, he had to smile. Then he sighed, and rubbed his brow, and went to speak to the animals. At least they were comforting.
[[ expecting one, but open for SP! ]]
no subject
Date: 2016-10-21 04:13 am (UTC)Kanan caught the tone, at least. It was a sharp contrast to the bile and the venom that Skywalker had been spitting at him last week. It made him feel... not better, not really. It wasn't the sort of tone that one ought to pull comfort from, of course. But more real, maybe. As though he'd been wading through a bad dream for weeks, and here was somebody else who knew that dream too, who could confirm that he hadn't just made up the darkest moments of it.
It also reminded him of the people he'd left behind when Master Billaba had taken him to war.
He hesitated for a long moment before, softly, he said, "There were rumors, about Skywalker. He made a point to mention one of them to me."
no subject
Date: 2016-10-21 04:17 am (UTC)"Did he, now?" he said. "He truly must have been in a snit."
He wasn't terribly impressed by Anakin's conduct here, all around. "What was it?"
no subject
Date: 2016-10-21 04:23 am (UTC)That came out sounding... rough. Like the words were burrs that wanted to stick in his mouth as he spoke them, and he had to pry them free before they could be heard. Those younglings had been his friends, had been the closest people to family that he had known before Master Billaba had taken him as her Padawan. He'd gone to lessons with them, had been teased by them and gossiped with them and had shared his worries and his dreams with them.
And Skywalker wasn't dead.
"That was all he would say."
And Kanan could think of no reason to mention it except to try to rub their deaths in his face, because a rumor that a living man had died protecting people who were now very much dead could only go so far to cover the man in glory.
no subject
Date: 2016-10-21 04:42 am (UTC)He brought up his cup. Sipped. Sipped again.
He didn't really taste it.
no subject
Date: 2016-10-21 04:47 am (UTC)"I don't understand, Master."
That was all he had. Even Caleb Dume didn't have the heart to dredge up a thousand follow-up questions to an answer like that.
no subject
Date: 2016-10-21 04:50 am (UTC)He lowered his cup. "I saw him on death's door."
But he hadn't had the heart to kill him. His final failing.
no subject
Date: 2016-10-21 04:58 am (UTC)"I'm sorry," he said, after that sip. Whatever he thought about Skywalker was irrelevant. Obi-Wan had been his Master, after all. "I should have thought..."
He sighed.
"Should we talk about something else?"
no subject
Date: 2016-10-21 05:14 am (UTC)He set his cup of tea aside.
"And he has trouble realizing that his own feelings don't supercede those of others. I do not wish to make the same mistake."
no subject
Date: 2016-10-21 05:33 am (UTC)So long as they were talking one-on-one, Caleb could live with that.
"You've already been a help," he noted, frowning a little. "You've given me some perspective. More than just reassuring me that wanting distance from Vader isn't me overreacting, I mean. And my feelings shouldn't supersede yours, either. If you need to step away from a topic that cuts too close, why is that any less important?"
He wanted to think that they were both capable of having a conversation that didn't leave either of them sitting in a fog of guilt, thoughts in a different galaxy entirely, none of them good.
no subject
Date: 2016-10-21 05:48 am (UTC)... or more truthfully, because Obi-Wan was terrible at accepting that sometimes he deserved help.
"Because I am a Jedi Master," he said, "And giving such emotions free reign to dictate what I do and say is a path to the Dark Side."
Cop-out answer. For sure.
no subject
Date: 2016-10-21 05:58 am (UTC)"Well, I'm no Master," he said, "but I'm still pretty sure there's a difference between letting your emotions rule you, and being aware of them and making decisions that acknowledge that you're also a person in there somewhere, and that people have needs."
Granted, Kanan tended to count things like alcohol and sex among his own needs these days, but he had a good case for arguing that it was all a part his cover. So long as nobody paid close attention, anyway.
In his defense, he had been fifteen when Order 66 happened, and sixteen when he'd been left to his own devices entirely.
no subject
Date: 2016-10-21 05:46 pm (UTC)... and perhaps now Kanan would get some idea of why Anakin often thought of Obi-Wan as infuriating.
He reached to pick up his tea again. "I would invite you to my version of our world whenever you need an escape," he said, "But I doubt it will be much better."
no subject
Date: 2016-10-21 06:25 pm (UTC)Not so long, he figured. Kanan had done more aging than... basically anybody, from the look of it. And here he was, talking about traumas that he'd had more time to heal from than anyone else.
Except possibly Skywalker. He had no karking clue what to make of Skywalker, though.
no subject
Date: 2016-10-21 06:33 pm (UTC)"A few years now," Obi-Wan said lightly. "Three or so. It has been more for you, hasn't it?"
He was exceedingly grateful they were off the subject of him now.
no subject
Date: 2016-10-21 06:42 pm (UTC)"Eight," he said, fairly lightly himself. Years were easy. It was the mess that went alongside them that was hard. "It's been eight years of... drifting, mostly."
Drifting. Shutting out the Force. Pretending to be okay or drinking until people realized that he wasn't in about equal measures.
"So I can't imagine your timeline has many surprises that mine hasn't already thrown at me."
no subject
Date: 2016-10-21 06:45 pm (UTC)He was debating whether or not to tell Kanan about Luke.
no subject
Date: 2016-10-21 07:04 pm (UTC)He'd been trying hard to just not think about the implications from there.
"Why not try me?"
See? Way easier than talking about trauma.
no subject
Date: 2016-10-22 06:23 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2016-10-22 12:28 pm (UTC)Almost. He still had trouble respecting petulant man-children who held positions of power over him.
"So what he said was true... but misleading," he deduced, frowning a bit. Not surprised, mostly since Anakin had spilled those beans already, but actually a bit annoyed. "Great."
'True but misleading' was basically going to be the best you were going to get from this lot on certain topics, Kanan. Better get used to it.
no subject
Date: 2016-10-22 12:52 pm (UTC)"Yes," Obi-Wan said. He heaved a sigh. "He's rather inclined that way."
Pitch-black pot, meet you-raised-kettle.
no subject
Date: 2016-10-22 01:07 pm (UTC)Petty? Cruel? The word here was probably cruel.
"Ugh."
That was easier than getting back on the emotions train.
no subject
Date: 2016-10-22 01:15 pm (UTC)Obi-Wan took a sip of his tea. It was beginning to cool.
no subject
Date: 2016-10-22 01:31 pm (UTC)He took another mouthful of tea. He'd been mostly just staring into it since this discussion had started.
"Never get to know your heroes, I guess."
no subject
Date: 2016-10-22 01:35 pm (UTC)"Anakin was an amazing Jedi," he said, "with deep, glaring flaws." He dropped his hand. "But now the question is, what do we do about Mara Jade?"
no subject
Date: 2016-10-22 01:44 pm (UTC)He shook his head in reply to Obi-Wan's question.
"I don't know," he admitted. "I figured something was up with her since my very first class, right about the time I had to give her a verbal slap on the wrist for the way she was talking about non-humans. I'm... I mean, I should be more surprised that it's this serious, but apparently the island is getting to my head or something."
He sighed and sipped at his tea again.
"She's afraid of Vader. Of course she is. It would be insane not to be. My concern is that even if she wasn't reporting every instance of Jedi activity to the Emperor before, the possibility that Vader might return could prompt her to start. And at the same time, I can't help but wonder what was keeping her from selling us out in the first place."
Because he was under no illusions about how long they would survive if Palpatine had at all been aware of their presence before.
(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From: