Office Hours, Wednesday

[saddeserthermit]

Obi-Wan had not been in his office for quite a while, but somehow last week's events made it seem... pertinent.

So he settled behind his desk early in the morning with a nice cup of tea, attempting to meditate on the... experience of an island full of ponies. And madness. And whatnot.

Somehow, this was not a fantastic way to find harmony with one's self, which was why he gave up on it sooner rather than later.

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Comments

[uncertain_dume]

"I think I can dredge up the patience," Kanan replied, smiling wryly. "It's been a while, but I'm no stranger to sitting alone with my thoughts, either."

For a very long time, that was the only company he'd kept, after all.

"Meditating is a bit like that, but with fewer thoughts and more Force, anyway."

[saddeserthermit]

"That is one way of looking at it," Obi-Wan said wryly. "If one that makes it sound as if I spend most of my time contemplating my navel."

Which he... might have done. A bit. He had a lot to feel guilty about.

"You did not stray further than the eopies last time. Perhaps we can see if you can handle sensing the students currently in the school building."

[uncertain_dume]

Hey, the eopies had been a safe place. Kanan liked animals. If they turned on you seemingly out of nowhere, you probably had it coming.

"Without being overwhelmed by them, you mean?" He shrugged his shoulders a little. "I think I can handle that. It's still not far, anyway."

And he was less likely to try to strike up a conversation with them, per se.

[saddeserthermit]

Obi-Wan poured a cup of tea while Kanan spoke, and then bustled back to the desk to put it down in front of him. "Small steps seems wise," he said. "You do not need to interact with them at all - simply let it wash over you."

[uncertain_dume]

"I don't imagine most of them would take well to being interacted with by some unseen presence while they're trying to learn about- what classes are there today? Sex ed and romance novels? There are a few uncomfortable topics to interrupt, right there."

Great. He was quipping. Good sign that he was nervous, right there. Maybe he'd just reach for that tea, hold it in his hands and let the warmth of the cup soak in.

"I mean. I can do this."

[saddeserthermit]

"You can," Obi-Wan agreed. Quietly.

He did not join in with the quipping, this time; it felt like it would only be enabling some of Dume's anxieties.

"Drink your tea, and then come join me."

With that, he sat down on a mat on the ground.

[uncertain_dume]

"Yes, Master Kenobi," Kanan replied, and for once he sounded more like Caleb than the man he'd tried to become. He took a deep breath, tried to wind down, and let himself settle in to drink his tea.

A few minutes later, feeling a little less anxious than before, he moved to join Obi-Wan on the mat.

And with another deep breath, he closed his eyes.

[saddeserthermit]

"Good," said Obi-Wan, whose consciousness had already drifted off into the ether. "Now expand your mind. Begin with the offices. I'm sure we are not the only teachers present today."

[uncertain_dume]

"If nothing else, there's always Bob," Kanan agreed, and with another slow inhale and deliberate exhale, he was letting his own consciousness drift out, guided by the Force in search of... if not a connection, at least awareness. With the exception of the eopies, it was the farthest Kanan had let himself reach in a long while.

Over there, as he'd figured, there was Bob. Kanan lingered for a moment, curious to see what exactly a dead man looked like, when seen this way. He didn't let his consciousness linger there for long, reeling in and venturing elsewhere when it occurred to him that Bob might notice him there, too.

Don't poke the ghost. Go poke someone who exists in a slightly less ethereal state. Yes.

[saddeserthermit]

"Let's not bring Bob over to mock us just yet," Obi-Wan said quietly.

Not that he was exactly scared of it, but it might ruin the moment.

"Go further," he added, his Force presence reaching out to Dume's with a guiding touch. "Extend your senses. Listen to the bustle of it all, the life."

[uncertain_dume]

Kanan - Caleb, really - gave a little hum of acknowledgment, slipping readily into the student role at Obi-Wan's gesture. There was more life out there beyond Bob's strange half-existence, at least a dozen young minds engaged in learning in some class or another. He lingered there next, observing with a soft, bittersweet sense of nostalgia. This was something that felt... not wrong, no, but different without Master Billaba's presence there doing the guiding.

"Those are the students?"

There was so much to them. He'd forgotten how distinct, how vibrant people could be this way, all in some superficial sense the same but each vastly different from the next. He found himself a little bit in awe of it. It had been a while since he'd looked at anyone this way, after all.

[saddeserthermit]

"Those are the students," Obi-Wan confirmed. "They're lively, aren't they? It's rather easy to get carried away."

There was a reason he lived in the middle of the woods. Multiple reasons. Not wanting to slip back into the pattern of expecting this kind of... bustle was one of them.

[uncertain_dume]

"I'd almost forgotten," Caleb admitted, watching for a moment more before easing back from them a little. It was a bit overwhelming, even though he wanted to stay and watch them a while longer. "I'd closed myself off so far..."

Like cutting off a leg. He was starting to realize what Obi-Wan had meant by that.

[saddeserthermit]

Once again, Obi-Wan was reaching out with quiet reassurance, and an offer to steer Dume somewhere quieter. Down again, away from the worst bustle of the students.

"Don't overstretch yourself," he said, "But try and linger, if you can. Remember life, and what it feels like."

[uncertain_dume]

Caleb readily let Obi-Wan guide him back, settling in to linger once he was feeling less overwhelmed. His old sense of curiosity was niggling at his mind again, and he found himself wanting to explore farther out still, to look at the island and its inhabitants from this new (old) point of view.

"It's... warm?" He grasped at words to describe it. "It's right."

He'd remember to be worried about it later. Right then, he was fascinated all over again.

[saddeserthermit]

"It is, and you are a part of it," Obi-Wan said quietly. "The warmth, the ebb and flow - you belong to it."

[uncertain_dume]

Caleb was quiet for a moment, briefly remembering one of the last conversations he'd had with Master Billaba.

They were at war, and he'd known that, but he'd told her that he was more at peace then than they'd ever been. And she'd understood why.

It was good to know where he belonged.

Force, it had been a long time since he was able to say that, since.

"I don't want to put it away again," he admitted, softly. "I don't want to go back to hiding."

[saddeserthermit]

"Then don't."

Obi-Wan had hidden, yes, and forced himself to remain somewhat low key. But he had never been good at squelching that ember of the Force in him-- it was too natural for him, too grand a part of his being.

It had gotten him in trouble, yes. But it had also allowed him to survive.

"You must continue to hide your self from the galaxy, of course," he said. "But to deny yourself this is not something the galaxy demands of us, thank the Force."

[uncertain_dume]

"It's a big galaxy," Caleb - Kanan - noted. "Maybe I just haven't found a place in it yet that feels like it isn't demanding it."

The hermit life really wasn't for him.

"Or maybe I'm not paying the right sort of attention."

[saddeserthermit]

"You can choose to extend your senses like this, to simply listen, without acting," Obi-Wan noted quietly. "To simply remain aware. As I said, the Force is more than just a set of... flashy moves."

[uncertain_dume]

"I remember that," Kanan sighed, words tinged with quiet regret. "Being flashy isn't even on my radar these days. Flashy gets you killed, too."

Which he knew Obi-Wan was well aware of. He did.

"Wouldn't mind learning more about this sort of thing. Making connections. Just... Being."

[saddeserthermit]

"I suggest you spend some time practicing this week, or however long until we find the time to do this again," Obi-Wan said.

He slid up off the floor, busying himself with the water cooker once more. "Just... reach out. Let yourself drift. Remind yourself how much you are a part of it all. Just for a little while each day."

[uncertain_dume]

"I can do that," Kanan decided. It wasn't as though his days were terribly busy otherwise, after all. "A few hours here and there..."

It was possibly even a more practical use of his time than trying to figure out how to leave this place, at this point.

[saddeserthermit]

"Take your time."

And another cup of tea poured. Obi-Wan was making quite a few of them, now that he actually had the tools to do so reliably at his disposal.

"The goal is to reacquaint you fully with the Living Force. That is not a process that can be rushed."

Obi-Wan would know. He'd been trying to master it for several years now.

[uncertain_dume]

A few more moments, and Kanan was opening his eyes to look thoughtfully up at Obi-Wan.

"I suppose it isn't," he agreed. "Force knows I wasn't the best at it eight years ago before I pushed it away. It's not going to come at me like I'm some kind of Force savant now."