The Hermit Shack in the Woods, Saturday Morning

[saddeserthermit]

Yesterday had been... unpleasant. Or at least troublesome. And yes, eventually Obi-Wan would have to have that conversation with Ahsoka he'd been putting off for some time.

But that would come whenever it came - whenever Ahsoka chose to have it.

Today, Obi-Wan was meditating, the eopies wandering around him, undisturbed. His efforts to refamiliarize himself with the Living Force this past year and a half had been steady, if slow-- but it was easier now, to simply throw his consciousness into the winds and feel the life around himself.

Obi-Wan sat outside his shack, but in truth, on this island, he was everywhere, all at once, and everyone, all at once.

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[snipsnspecks]

"I saw the footage of the Temple burning," Ahsoka said quietly. "They played it alongside Palpatine declaring the Jedi traitors."

[saddeserthermit]

"I wasn't there," Obi-Wan said. He took a sip. "I was on Utapau. I did not see the footage until I returned home... and saw the state of the Temple."

The real, uncut footage. Anakin.

[snipsnspecks]

Of the realisations that were going to break Ahsoka's heart, that one was going to be be right up there.

"I can't imagine." Except she could, and did.

[saddeserthermit]

Obi-Wan was still mopping up whatever remained of his heart after seeing that, and being on one island with a repentant Anakin only helped in as much that it let him simmer in denial.

"I am glad you didn't see it," he said. "Gladder still that you were nowhere near that place."

[uncertain_dume]

Eight years ago, Kanan never would have given Obi-Wan the 'are you karking kidding me' look that he gave him for that particular bout of sarcasm. My, how times had changed.

Still, he settled back a little when Obi-Wan did, and took a sip of his tea.

"So the solution is to just avoid people entirely, hm? Get a couple of eopies, become a hermit in the woods?"

Sue him, it almost sounded tempting.

[saddeserthermit]

In this time they were all getting more bitter, sharper, with age. Obi-Wan's sarcasm was no exception.

He was, to use the vernacular, slowly running out of fucks.

"It is a solution," he said, "Much as your traveling around has been. But if you choose to stay here, that is no longer viable."

He sipped his tea. "Though blinding yourself near-fully to the Force may be a touch of overkill."

[uncertain_dume]

"Portalocity hasn't been able to reconnect with our galaxy in my time. I've checked," Kanan sighed. "If I leave, it'll be though one of the island's stops, after a week of sampling the local night life."

He was still being honest, look at him go. He gave a short, sharp sort of smile, and then had another sip of tea. Mostly as an excuse to gather his thoughts again.

"Overkill, huh?"

[saddeserthermit]

"As you may remember," Obi-Wan said, "The Force is not all fancy leaps and excellent blade work."

He set his cup back down on the table.

"You would be safer in another corner of the multiverse, that much is true."

[snipsnspecks]

Tell that to Ahsoka's survivor guilt.

"Because I left." Oh, look, there it was.

[saddeserthermit]

"Because the Order did not treat you with the kindness it should have."

And there was Obi-Wan's own guilt.

[uncertain_dume]

"But if here is safe, then maybe I don't need another corner of the multiverse," Kanan muttered. "I suppose part of it is that I've gotten so good at running, I'm not completely certain how to stop, now."

And part of it was guilt, plain and simple. If he kept moving, he didn't have time to face that part.

"Overkill or not, it'll come creeping back to me if I stay. If I let my guard down." He blew out a soft breath. "Do you ever stop to wonder what your Master would make of where you are now?"

He'd been doing a lot of that, too.

[saddeserthermit]

"I do."

Obi-Wan considered his tea.

"Master Qui-Gon always wished for me to listen more closely to the Living Force," he said. "So now that is what I do, every day. Perhaps it will teach me answers. Perhaps it will simply allow me to remain connected to the Force. The Cosmic Force is no longer what it once was."

[uncertain_dume]

"No," Kanan agreed, sighing. "I suppose it isn't."

The death of nearly every Jedi in the galaxy had a funny way of doing that sort of thing. Kanan took another sip of tea.

"Master Billaba encouraged my curiosity, told me to keep asking questions," he noted, shaking his head. "Peaceful dissent, she said. I suppose I'm trying to figure out what role that has, now. She'd probably agree with you about the overkill thing, at least."

[saddeserthermit]

"You avoid the Force because you fear you may wind up using more of it than you should," Obi-Wan noted. He studied Kanan closely. "Do you remember what Master Yoda always said - to the point of distraction, if I'm honest - about fear?"

Don't start sounding like a Jedi Master now, Obi-Wan.

[snipsnspecks]

That was one way to put it.

"It wasn't just what the Council, or Barriss, did." Though both had been more than bad enough on their own, let alone together. "It was after."

[saddeserthermit]

"After?" Obi-Wan echoed.

[uncertain_dume]

"Was that the one about how fear is the path to the Dark Side?"

Look, it had been a while, and Yoda had said a lot of things that had stuck with Kanan. He didn't understand all of those things. There was one about 'do or do not' that still had him scratching his head. But the words themselves stuck.

"Or the one about naming it?"

[saddeserthermit]

"Both, though I was referring mostly to the former."

Though with the ghost of Depa Billaba hovering over this conversation, the latter was also apt.

"You may grow to fear more and more that what you do not attempt to understand," Obi-Wan said. "Perhaps you should question why you cling so tightly to this particular fear."

[uncertain_dume]

"Perhaps I should," Kanan said, after a pause, looking down into what was left of his tea. He couldn't argue that logic. After all, his first instinct when faced with a statement like that was to change the subject and come up with an excuse to leave. "I have a feeling that getting the answers to those questions is going to involve facing down a lot of things that I was more than happy to leave behind."

Like, apparently, his own name.

[saddeserthermit]

"There is very little good that comes of hiding from ourselves," Obi-Wan said quietly.

He would know. He'd avoided just how invested he had been in Anakin, emotionally, until it was too late. And it had brought the entire Republic on their heads.

"Regardless of how much comfort it gives us to do so."

[uncertain_dume]

Kanan was quiet again, drawing a slow breath in and closing his eyes.

He wasn't sure what he'd figured he'd get out of a conversation with Master Kenobi. Maybe exactly this. Maybe he had come here to be told these things by somebody who at least had more experience with those things that he'd gone running from when he was still a stupid kid who was going to save the whole damn galaxy.

"I don't suppose you have any suggestions as to where to start?"

[snipsnspecks]

"I didn't realise it at first, but Master Plo was the only one who actually apologised," Ahsoka said. It wasn't the explosion or accusation that might have come from Anakin, just a statement about something she'd turned over over in her mind far too many times. "And on its own that might have been enough."

Especially when Anakin had been shining with such sincerity and belief in her that if she hadn't left as soon as she realised she had to, she might never have been able to.

She ran her finger over the rim of her cup. "But it wasn't. The Council offered me a Knighthood I didn't earn, and I just knew I couldn't stay."

[saddeserthermit]

"You could always join me for the meditation you interrupted," Obi-Wan said. Half-wry, half-sincere. "It is quite peaceful out here. Especially now that the island itself is so isolated from anything else. It is no great step."

It just meant that Kanan would have to open himself up to the Force, just a little.

[uncertain_dume]

Just a little. Which was just a touch terrifying, in its own way. Kanan pretended to be very interested in the remaining tea in his cup for a moment, and then finished it off. And then sighed.

"Sit with you in the twigs and grass? Commune with the Force?" His smile was a bit sideways, and so help him he could hear his heart beating in his ears when he went out on a limb and answered, "Sure. It can't hurt anything, I suppose."

[saddeserthermit]

Obi-Wan, too, finished his tea, a small smile on his face. "Unless Rooh chooses to slobber all over you, of course."

That was a joke. Rooh was a desert creature. Slobbering would be a waste.

He rose from his seat and walked back out the door.